Control

I guess I need to admit something and this is probably a pretty good forum for me to do it in. I think I may be a bit of a control freak. No, wait a minute. Let's think about this and think about what those of you that know me would say about that. I think you're right. As long as I'm in control, I really don't have any type of control issue.

There it is, all that I really need is to be solidly in control.

But wait, there are situations, rare though they may be when you con't be in control, or as was said in the movie Days of Thunder, "Control is an illusion."

Okay, now I'm back to this being an issue. When we come to those times that we are truly in the hands of others, such as going in for the "procedure" that occurs after we are fifty years old, (yeah you all know exactly what I mean), I think the control freak in all of us shows up. But, truly for some of us, it's more pronounced than that.

Some people think that I drive a lot of the time when we go to events because I love driving. The truth is I don't really love to drive, but rather, I want to make sure that if a decision needs to be made in a split second, I don't need to confer with anyone. I may not always make the best decision, but I know that I will make a decision and be willing to stand behind it, win or lose.

Many years ago, I went through some testing with the team that I worked with. When all of the results came back, we gathered in large groups to discuss the results. The discussions revolved around how we could work together more effectively, knowing how each of us reacted in given situations. I don't remember all of the dimensions, but I one of the measures was "Assertiveness." In this particular area, I actually got the highest score possible.

As we were going through the results, our Regional VP, Dave Krumbholtz for you old Payless folk, looked at my results and said, "Aw Martin, you aren't assertive." He was absolutely serious. He didn't see me that way. The funny part was that the rest of my team was sitting there, giving him all the verbal and nonverbal cues that I actually was. At the end of the discussion, Dave had decided that I was a "closet assertive."

Maybe that's the way I am in control. Maybe I'm a "closet control freak." If there is a chance to be in control, I will take it, but if there's no need for anyone to be in control, I'm okay with that, too. After all, that's kind of the way the assertiveness thing worked out: if someone needed to take charge, I would and could be assertive, but if there was no need, I was fine with it.

Hum... very interesting, maybe I don't have a control issue. Thoughts?