Today I'm thinking about the group of older men you typically find in a coffee shop, breakfast place or even a convenience shop - just talking about the world. I like to refer to this as "holding court." There is always one gentleman who is in charge of the group. Others gather round, but he is the focal point.Two great examples. A week ago today, I had to run up to Shell Rock, Iowa, to meet with a customer. On the way, we stopped in Albion because Brian needed coffee and I needed to stretch. We stopped at the Casey's because, well, that is the only choice in Albion. Upon entering the store, we encountered all of the things that you would expect in a Casey's, plus one. In the back of the store by the coolers, was a group of about 5-6 men who had actually built themselves places to sit out of cases of beer. They were in a circle and were completely engaged in the happenings and politics of the town. The person who sat the farthest back had probably arrived first, and was in charge of the direction and pace of the rhetoric. I found myself wondering about the group, so on my way out, I asked the lady at the register about them. She said that she'd only worked there three years, but in that entire time, they were there virtually every morning for a couple of hours. The membership changed throughout the day and had changed over the years, but the group was always there. So, this must be a small town phenomenon, right?
Fast forward five days. I went to Kansas City for a meeting and stayed with my son and his wife (okay, that is still taking some getting used to). They'd been great hosts and offered me the coffee maker before I headed out the next morning, but I didn't want to figure out a new/different pot. So, even though it is not my way, I stopped at Starbucks. And what should I find at this relatively metropolitan Starbucks? You guessed it. A group of men sitting at tables on the patio having a very similar conversation to the one I'd overheard in Albion. In the middle of the group, there was most certainly a dominant individual. It was hilarious to listen to them, because the conversation was the same as I'd heard earlier that week. Local color and politics and how the world could be fixed.
So, I have to ask, is this a universal human behavior? Is it somehow etched into our DNA? As I ask this question, I think backwards. When my kids were swimming, they had a tendency to draw people around them to talk and laugh and be together. Just like the men who came together in Albion and at Starbucks. Thinking further back, I remember that I always had a favorite place to eat breakfast wherever we lived. In Lees Summit, it was Neighbors; In Des Moines it was Boswell's; in Humboldt it was the restaurant on the north side of the street in Dakota City (I can't remember the name); and finally, in Sigourney it was Jack's Town House Cafe.
I went to the Town House with my Grandfather for breakfast and he always sat on the same stool at the counter and they always had his breakfast ready for him when he sat down. He had already worked the room, making sure to talk to everyone before he even got to the stool. He probably perfected the concept of "holding court" while moving around. And when we were done with breakfast, he always knew everything that was happening in the community.
If I stop and actually get honest with all of you, I might have to admit that I've probably instigated some of this as well in my own time. In high school, we all sat at the same table in the same seats every day. We talked about what was happening that day and what had happened the night before (probably even MORE important). Then in college, there was a group of us who met at the same time and the same table every day for meals. There were typically others who joined on a hit or miss basis, but the core was always there. If someone missed a gathering, we followed up to make sure nothing was wrong.
Maybe this is all the equivalent of the early tribal council and the way that information was passed from member to member.
So, do you suppose that this goes back to the time of cavemen? Is this so ingrained in us that we do this to cope with life that comes at us? Is this something that those of us who don't participate are really missing out on? I have so many questions and so few answers. I do think it is worth more research though and I would like to know what you see and what you think. Let me know where you see groups like this and what you think they are talking about. If you are the member of this type of group, tell me a little about who you are and I will share. Let's get to the bottom of this cultural phenomenon.
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