Holding Court

There are times I love living in a smaller community, not because things are all that different, but because it is just easier to see what's going on.

Today I'm thinking about the group of older men you typically find in a coffee shop, breakfast place or even a convenience shop - just talking about the world.  I like to refer to this as "holding court." There is always one gentleman who is in charge of the group. Others gather round, but he is the focal point.

Two great examples.  A week ago today, I had to run up to Shell Rock, Iowa, to meet with a customer.  On the way, we stopped in Albion because Brian needed coffee and I needed to stretch.  We stopped at the Casey's because, well, that is the only choice in Albion.  Upon entering the store, we encountered all of the things that you would expect in a Casey's, plus one.  In the back of the store by the coolers, was a group of about 5-6 men who had actually built themselves places to sit out of cases of beer.  They were in a circle and were completely engaged in the happenings and politics of the town. The person who sat the farthest back had probably arrived first, and was in charge of the direction and pace of the rhetoric.  I found myself wondering about the group, so on my way out, I asked the lady at the register about them.  She said that she'd only worked there three years, but in that entire time, they were there virtually every morning for a couple of hours. The membership changed throughout the day and had changed over the years, but the group was always there.  So, this must be a small town phenomenon, right?

Fast forward five days.  I went to Kansas City for a meeting and stayed with my son and his wife (okay, that is still taking some getting used to).  They'd been great hosts and offered me the coffee maker before I headed out the next morning, but I didn't want to figure out a new/different pot.  So, even though it is not my way, I stopped at Starbucks.  And what should I find at this relatively metropolitan Starbucks?  You guessed it.  A group of men sitting at tables on the patio having a very similar conversation to the one I'd overheard in Albion.  In the middle of the group, there was most certainly a dominant individual.  It was hilarious to listen to them, because the conversation was the same as I'd heard earlier that week.  Local color and politics and how the world could be fixed.

So, I have to ask, is this a universal human behavior?  Is it somehow etched into our DNA?  As I ask this question, I think backwards.  When my kids were swimming, they had a tendency to draw people around them to talk and laugh and be together.  Just like the men who came together in Albion and at Starbucks.  Thinking further back, I remember that I always had a favorite place to eat breakfast wherever we lived. In Lees Summit, it was Neighbors; In Des Moines it was Boswell's; in Humboldt it was the restaurant on the north side of the street in Dakota City (I can't remember the name); and finally, in Sigourney it was Jack's Town House Cafe.

I went to the Town House with my Grandfather for breakfast and he always sat on the same stool at the counter and they always had his breakfast ready for him when he sat down.  He had already worked the room, making sure to talk to everyone before he even got to the stool.  He probably perfected the concept of "holding court" while moving around.  And when we were done with breakfast, he always knew everything that was happening in the community.

If I stop and actually get honest with all of you, I might have to admit that I've probably instigated some of this as well in my own time.  In high school, we all sat at the same table in the same seats every day. We talked about what was happening that day and what had happened the night before (probably even MORE important).  Then in college, there was a group of us who met at the same time and the same table every day for meals.  There were typically others who joined on a hit or miss basis, but the core was always there.  If someone missed a gathering, we followed up to make sure nothing was wrong.

Maybe this is all the equivalent of the early tribal council and the way that information was passed from member to member.

So, do you suppose that this goes back to the time of cavemen?  Is this so ingrained in us that we do this to cope with life that comes at us?  Is this something that those of us who don't participate are really missing out on?  I have so many questions and so few answers.  I do think it is worth more research though and I would like to know what you see and what you think.  Let me know where you see groups like this and what you think they are talking about.  If you are the member of this type of group, tell me a little about who you are and I will share.  Let's get to the bottom of this cultural phenomenon.

It's Included

There are times when I realize I've been in the business world far too long.  It has caused some skepticism in me and worse yet, it's splashed all over my family.

The other day I received an offer from Menard's showing all of the wonderful things I could get "For Free" just by coming in the store.  Now, admittedly, these were all items you paid for and then after submitting paperwork you would receive a rebate, but that isn't the issue.  I will accept that full rebates equal "free."  But, and here comes the skeptic, I just don't believe that free always means free. You see, I know that someone somewhere did the math for Menard's and calculated the percentage of people who will purchase those items yet never return the rebate paperwork.  Additionally, they've crunched numbers to determine how many extra people this advertising will drive to the store and how much extra those people will spend. They probably even think they know how many new ideas those people will get and then need to come back to the store to satisfy those "needs".  Free. Sure it is.

These things are not free, they are included.  Built somewhere into the overhead of the organization and in the way that they come to market, the cost of the items given away is offset by perfectly good money we have already given them, even if we have no intention to do so.

The most perfect example is the box of facial tissues on the bedside stand in the hospital.  I dare you to look through the itemized bill the hospital will give you (on request, mind you) and find the line item that calls out the amount charged for this box of tissues.  It won't be there.  But in between the lines that you can read, buried in a higher price for something else or some type of overhead, the cost of that box of tissues is buried.  But in just as real a way as if they charged you for it, the hospital is getting the money out of you for this item.

So my family now jokes about this.  It is not free ... it's included.  This has become a kind of a rallying cry for us and it is amazing how many times this has come into play.  You are in a restaurant that offers free refills.  No, they have really just figured how many refills they think the average person will drink and added that to the cost.  You get a free buffet at the casino - do I even need to explain?  I know there are thousands of people who fight the crowds on Black Friday to get deals and free stuff.  I sit at home and buy what I need online and let them deliver it to my door.  And yes, I can hardly wait for the drones to start delivering. I know that I will be paying for that, but really, how cool.

We always need to remember that our nation was truly built on a profit model concept.  It's what makes capitalism work.  Things just don't happen without there being a profit in it, somewhere, or somehow.  Or, if they do, it isn't for long. Short of true philanthropy, there has to be a profit to keep things going.

Now I know this may make me sound like a cynic; actually, I believe it makes me a realist.  You always need to think about all of the things that you are actually really paying for and behave accordingly.  If the place where you are having dinner has free refills on soft drinks, make sure that you have many more refills than you believe the average person could drink, or drink water at no additional cost.  If you go to the "All You Can Eat Buffet," make sure that you do.  If a dealer of any kind offers to throw something in you really don't need, ask them for the price without the extra and make sure they know you understand that you would have been paying for that extra something before.

The last thing I want to leave you with today are those things that are truly free.  The smile from a spouse or a child when you do something nice for them; the tear that comes to the eye of a friend when you honestly show you are interested in what is happening with them.  The heartfelt thank you that comes from someone with an armload of groceries that you hold the door open for.  These are things that are truly free and given freely.  It happens every day, but so often they go past us without as much as a passing thought.  I would tell you to stop and think about them.  We live in a world filled with truly nice people and sometimes we need to just slow down and listen to find this out.

Don't look for the next freebie - it is really included; look for the next selfless act that someone does for you, and recognize the true value in it.

There, I am done for the day.

Doc Miller (s)

This last week, Sara, Megan and I have spent time at the University of Iowa Hospitals. Quite a bit of that time has been spent with Dr. Miller, Megan's orthopedic surgeon.  He is, without a doubt, a gifted physician and surgeon. He is also someone we have been fortunate to know and the Midwest is lucky to have him.

Interestingly enough though, I began thinking about some of the doctors I've had in my life and it almost speaks to the way that the profession has changed.  One of the first doctors that I remember is "old" Doc Miller.  When I was a child and doctors still made house calls, this man was the one who came when we were sick.  He was, by my reckoning, older than the hills.  But this wasn't the thing that amazed me.  Dr Miller was a pipe smoker and the first thing he did on coming into my room for an examination was to put his pipe in his pocket, STILL LIT.  I know that during the exam he poked and prodded and asked questions, but the truth is that I couldn't quit thinking about that pipe.  When was he going to explode into flames?  I just could not even imagine how you would put fire in your pocket and have it be okay.  Every single time he did this, he completed the exam, made whatever pronouncements that he needed to make, reclaimed his pipe and left the house without incident.  I remember thinking that this just couldn't be possible.  But it was, time and time again.  Interesting for this to be one of my first memories of the medical profession.

Then came Dr Rodowieg in Spirit Lake, Ia.  We used to spend the month of June in the Iowa Great Lakes area.  Each summer, Dr Rodowieg would do our annual physicals making sure that we were healthy. Although he was a multiple pack-a-day smoker, he told his patients that smoking wasn't good for them.  In 1969, we were at the lake when the Food and Drug Administration banned the artificial sweetener Cyclamate from use in foods and most importantly, diet pop.  The news quickly filled with the fact that lab rats subjected to Cyclamate developed cancerous tumors and died.  Mom was, of course, beside herself.  We immediately went to see Dr Rodowieg, who calmly explained that the rats had ingested the equivalent of 350 cans of diet pop a day.  When mom logically asked the doctor what she should do to protect the health of her family, Dr Rodowieg calmly explained to her that he was buying up every case of the product he could find at bargain basement prices as everyone tried to get rid of it.

Next in the line worth remembering was Dr Gann.  He was a lifelong friend of the family and he always worked to take really good care of us.  Again, it was a different time.  One summer to help me lose weight, because yes, this has been an issue my whole life, he prescribed amphetamines.  Well, the weight fell off, but I spent the whole summer not only weak from losing all of the weight, but really owly since I was only sleeping a few hours a night.  But this isn't the thing that I remember best about Dr Gann.  That would be Eleanor.  I know, without a doubt, that she put a hook on the end of every syringe she used.  I've never had anyone give me a shot that hurt like that.  And, mom was a big believer in flu shots, so once a year, in we went.  Jaye and I would nearly come to blows over who had to go first.  Anything that you could do to put off the inevitable, even for a few moments was worth the effort.  I know that we were receiving good care, but damn it hurt.

This really only gets me up through the 80s, but as I think about it, those were the physicians that to me were the biggest "characters." One thing they had going for every one of us was that they knew us for a long period of our lives, and they were responsible for the totality of our health care.

Nowadays, no matter what you do in the health care area, there is a team to care for you.  Some of these people you will know, and some will be far behind the scene running tests and providing information.  On occasion though, you still find someone that is more like Doc Miller, or Ed Gann, or Dr Rodowieg.  You find someone that has all of the technical expertise and all of the science that is medicine today, and on top of that, they get to know the patient as a person and they really care about them.

The "new" Dr. Miller at the University of Iowa is one of those people. He is a brilliant technical doctor and a very compassionate human being.  I am thankful that we were fortunate enough to meet him at a time that we really needed him.

Take a moment and think back through some of the doctors you have had over the years.  Do you have stories?  Are you willing to share?

Life Value

Sometimes when we're in the middle of doing something that is just a normal part of our job, we discover that great discovery comes from a singular moment. Such was the situation for me last week. I had an opportunity to speak with someone that up until that point I didn't have time to get to know. Let me clarify that. It was my perception of time ... or the lack of it that led me to that point, but that's something I'll get back to.

Throughout our conversation, I discovered that this person was deployed with our military for a period of time.  I was fascinated as I learned about a work environment and a life that I've never experienced.  I have no military background, and though I might have wondered whether it was a mistake or not, it is sure nothing that I can do anything about at this point.  Anyway, when I asked what had been the most important learning that came from this experience, the answer was unexpected.  This person told me that they believed that they valued their own life more now than ever before.

I've written about the frailty of life before, but took me down an entirely different path.  This is truly the idea that when I wake up and greet the morning, I need to remember first and foremost, that I am alive for another day.  Now, if I am completely honest with you, there are too many times that the first thing I think about is how my back hurts, or how much I would like to roll over and go back to sleep.  Okay, those may remain secondary thoughts and I'll never get rid of them, but I need to start with thankfulness for the day. Period.

And this brings me back around to thoughts on my perception of time.  Every single day, it feels as though I am challenged for every minute.  At work, I am constantly bombarded by things coming at me - questions, decisions, problems, you name it.  At home my life is filled with things I need to do and want to do for my family, my friends and for myself.  But because I am so focused on not having time for things and I concentrate on just getting through the day, I know that I often miss wonderful opportunities.

These thoughts and this moment of self-discovery happened because I had to take the time to talk with someone that I didn't know.  I need to force myself to take more time to do that.  In the past, even if by simply saying hello to someone I don't know, I've told my kids that I continue to work on being more outgoing.  It looks to me like I need to redouble that effort.  I need to keep focusing on each day as the blessing that it is and remember that even the hardest thing that I have to do in a day, I actually get to do.

Okay, enough of this, I need to get busy and use the day that I have in front of me.