Pavlov

I am never exactly sure how much I remember from most of the classes that I took in High School, but I'm sure I learned about the Pavlovian response during those years. This was the idea that after you associated a stimulus with a particular biological response, you could create that same response with the new stimulus. This was also sometimes called classic conditioning. The experiment I remember was training dogs to salivate with the ringing of a bell. The bell replaced the presentation of food that would naturally cause the reaction of salivating. We are all subject to this, and there are times that it is worse than others. Ironically enough, for me it has always been about the ringing of a bell, the bell that comes from our phone. Okay, I guess that talking about a bell on my phone may date me somewhat. Maybe this is about the sound of a ring tone instead in these days that we live.  

I have an uncle that I've spent most of my adult life in this type of situation with. I knew that if I answered the phone, and it was his voice on the other end of the call, it was bad news. A death in the family, an illness, or any number of just basically bad pieces of news. This was bad enough in the early years that I was out of school and living on my own, but since caller id, it has taken on a whole new level. Now, I don't even need to answer the phone, I can simply look at the display and know what is coming. Fortunately in the last few years he has also called several times with good news, so my conditioning has softened somewhat. The other thing that makes me laugh is that this is also the way my mother was. She and I finally agreed that she wouldn't give me bad news on the phone. Which ensured there was that joyous period of time when I got all of the bad news the minute that I walked in the door at home. Not sure which was better.

Today, I found out that a person I know received bad news about their child. There is going to be a long road for them to get this child back to health. I know where they are right now, and so do many of you. When you are at the start of something that you hope and pray will come out good, but you aren't sure that it will, everything is large and overwhelming. That is where this father finds himself today.  And I guarantee that over the coming months and years, as his family works their way through this, any phone call will cause absolute panic: what is wrong? What do we need to do? Can I help? All questions that they will ask over and over again. I hope for this person, and for all of you that are going through this, that you have a great outcome at the other end of the journey.

As I think about this and the way we react as parents, siblings, or just friends, it is natural for us to tense as the phone rings when we're in the middle of an emotion-filled situation. But the great part is that when it is finally over, the time comes when you realize the phone no longer causes panic. You return to a point where you look forward to phone calls from those you love again. Conversations return to the things that happened in a day, or a week that they want to share because you are important in their life. It is about the joy of sharing and celebrating. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

My thoughts go out today to this person I talked about here, and all of you that find yourself in a bad situation with family or friends, where you know that when the phone rings it's probably not good news. I hope for you that time passes and things get better ... that you get to a point where the ringing of the phone is something to be celebrated because you know that there will be good news or a great story on the other end of the call. After all, that is what should come across the phone most of  the time ... good news.

Have a great day.  Thinking good thoughts for you here.