Stories

Last night my wife got one of those pieces of information that none of us likes to receive: a death in her circle-of-life acquaintances.  It is something that happens to all of us, but there are times we think more deeply about it.  For me, this was one of those times.  Dr Bowman was someone I had come to know in the time that I have been in Sara's family.  I found him to be a very strong willed person always willing to have a conversation about anything.  He is one of the people in my life that I only knew tangentially, but for whom I had the utmost respect.  Dr B had many experiences and did many things in his life, but one of the most amazing to me was that he had been one of the Tuskegee Airmen.  Like many who had served and fought, this was a part of his life that he spoke of only in passing and never in much depth.  I believe that for many in his age group, this was the best way for them to deal with what they had seen and what they had experienced. 

As I thought more about this today, I began to wonder how many of the people who had shared his experience were still alive.  The number was actually a little staggering.  Out of the original number of 994, most of the information I found said that there were about 58 living as of December 2010 and another anecdotal piece of information held out a belief that there are only 5 or 6 still alive today.  I certainly hope someone took the time to get as much information as possible from this group. There isn't much time left.. 

This is what got me thinking today. I feel like we lost something with Dr B's death. We will no longer hear about the experiences he had and the stories he had to tell.  The other thing to think about is that this is the case with every human being on the planet.  We all have backgrounds and experiences that are personal and individual.  What is so troubling is that our culture is not one to embrace stories handed down through the elders of the family.  More often than not, we just lose this information.  I find this to be truly a tragedy.  And to make matters worse, some of us, although getting older ourselves, find it very uncomfortable to spend time with the older generation in our own family.  I know that in the last year or two of my Grandma's life, I didn't spend the time with her that I should have, and I am sure that I am repeating this behavior right now with others in my life.

So one of my stories today is something my grandfather taught me that I continue to carry with me.  He told me at a very tender age that not knowing something, and asking for help was not a sign of weakness, but rather a strength that would carry you through much of your life.  This lesson continued has he explained that where this became a problem was if you had to ask, or be taught something multiple times.  I am not sure that he intended this lesson to have the impact that it did, but I still think about things this way, both for myself and for those around me.  The first time is a learning opportunity, and a sign of the strength to ask for help. After that, the not knowing may be a sign that you weren't paying attention.

So, with all of this thought and reflection, what will I do about it?  I am going to undertake a two pronged approach to see if I can change my family's trajectory.  I am going to reach out and spend more time being in touch with aunts and uncles, friends and acquaintances - hearing and telling the stories that made their lives what they are.  And then, I am going to tell the stories whenever I can to make sure that these never die.  If you ask my family, they would tell you I already do this, but it is time for a whole new gear.  Time to ramp up the information gathering and figure out more and more ways to tell stories.  Some of them may even end up in this blog.  Of course, some of them already have.

Well, Dr B, you will be missed by family and friends, and even those of us who only knew you in passing.  I hope that you shared your stories with those around you and I hope that they will pass them along.  I know that I am going to be more aware of the stories around me and I am going to do a better job of telling them and it is because I had a chance to know you.