Near Misses

Last week something wonderful happened.  I stopped at Hy-Vee for a quick grocery run.  I was on my phone, with headphones in place, when I heard someone call my name.  I was totally surprised to look up and see my cousin.  I knew she had moved back to this area in the last couple of years, and yes, I intended to get hold of her mother and get an address or contact information, but I'd been remiss and failed to do any of this.  But right there, standing in front of me, she was loading groceries into her vehicle at Hy-Vee - MY Hy-Vee.

We stood in the parking lot for quite some time, catching up on what was going on and what we had each missed out on.  We discovered that for the last several months ... even years, we lived within four blocks or so of each other.  Our community is not a large community, certainly not a Dallas or a New York, but we had been able for some time now to live this close to each other and not know it.  I was totally amazed.  I gave her my contact information and we parted, truly hoping that we will reach out and do something together, reconnecting to a childhood relationship that we had lost for years.

After we parted, I thought more about the situation and the experience.  The experience was wonderful, but the situation was nearly more than I could wrap my head around.  For the last couple of years, my cousin and I had lived within moments of each other.  How many times had we both been grocery shopping, maybe only an aisle apart, or possibly even passing in the same aisle but too lost in our own thoughts to recognize who was around us.  Did we use the same dry cleaner?  Did we both go to El Mariachi to eat, possibly on the same evening?  This was slightly overwhelming, but not yet mind blowing.  Then I thought about people we pass within feet of every day. Are they someone we knew from an earlier time in our lives, but don't recognize?

In my adult working life, we have moved several times.  I think the count now stands at six times.  In each of those moves, we were introduced to different people we came to know as acquaintances.  These are the folks that you wave at or talk to at church or at Target when you are shopping.  They are the people who bring life and interest to what could be very disheartening; moving from one city to another to do a job.  I have always been lucky as typically this is something that Sara does much better than I.  Then the time comes to move on, and there are a bunch of people you leave behind and really think about only occasionally, maybe at Christmas when you send out cards.  But maybe, just maybe, some of them move too, and you end up close to each other again. If you knew this, you might share time and activities with them again.

On top of this, there is the group of people you spent the first part of your life with, in pre-school, elementary, middle and high school; as well as all of the activities that you took part of in those days.  And college, or trade school, or the military.  All of these folks you have known that were part of your circle and then moved on to other circles.  Wow.  Now it becomes mind-blowing.  At any given moment, people from our past are more than likely nearby, in another aisle of the same store, eating at the same restaurant, using the same dry cleaner and we don't realize who they are.

In the middle of all of this introspection, someone mentioned to me that this is why Facebook is so powerful and pervasive in my age group.  It is a way for all of us to find each other again.  All you need is a name and a little bit of information and you can often either find the person you are looking for, or get connected to someone who knows that person.  This is the connection we are looking for.  The next challenge is to find ways to reconnect with them and stay connected.  This has been difficult for me.  I seem to ebb and flow around this, doing really well for a while, then going the other way and once again, losing people.

I believe in the concept of “Six Degrees of Separation” -  that we are all interconnected by less than six introductions from everyone in the world.  I need to keep refreshing those connections so I don’t discover that I have been missing them at the grocery store.  It continues to astound me what hard work being an adult is.  I really hope that I get it all figured out soon.

Why

It seems interesting that I would be spending time thinking about this today.  I remember when my children were little, it was my most dreaded question.  It came at me time and time again, almost seeming as though it would have no end.  And now, as an adult, managing other adults, I wish that I would hear it more often.  As we go through our day - handling all the things that get thrown at us, we continually make the best decisions we know how to make. I believe that if those around us would be willing to ask 'why' when they do not understand, we would make better decisions and be more open to fuller understanding.

Let me give you an example.  At one point in my life I worked for a gentleman, let’s call him Rich, who believed that the best way to get to the truth was to ask 'why' seven times.  He would ask you a question and regardless of your response, his next question would be why.  This would continue for seven rounds, and honestly, by the time that you got to the last one, anything that was artificial had been stripped away.  Even more important in this process, however, was the fact that you quickly decided you didn't want to go through this process very often and immediately gave him the answer you would give at the end of the seven whys.

It struck me in the last couple of days that I would like to figure out how to get the folks that I work with to ask why that many times.  As we go along doing our jobs, there are times that folks really don’t get the 'why' of what they are doing, they only get the message that they need to do something.  If we all did a better job of asking the question, and even more importantly, answering the 'why,' we would all be much more effective.  We would actually be rowing the boat in the same direction rather than in circles because we know why.

I decided to test my theory today.  I gave a presentation not unlike many that I have done for this group in the past, but today, I tried to give more information about why we are doing things, rather than just what we needed to do.  It was really interesting to watch the group.  They were more engaged actually asked more questions than usual.

On Wednesday of this week I had a chance to listen to Billy Taylor from Goodyear.  He has the distinction of turning more Goodyear plants around than anyone else.  And he is a very simple, straightforward man, and his assertions are just as simple: 1) people want to know what the goal is, 2) they want to know why, and 3) they want to be listened to.  Some of us would have a tendency to say “duh," who doesn't get that?  The truth of the matter is that although everyone understands this, few are capable of incorporating it into their typical day and the way they interact with their team.  As I listened to Billy, it struck me that he would be able to work with practically any team, whether business or sports, and be successful.  The flip side is that it should make each of us ask if we are being that way, the right way with those that we are around.  It certainly made me think about it.

I have another acquaintance who sits on an Executive Roundtable with me. He states that he manages nobody, he only supports people.  And although I have always understood what he was talking about, it means more to me today.

So I think back to when my kids were asking 'why' a MILLION times, and I know now that I should have gloried in each one of those questions.  Even if asked one hundred times, I should have answered.  I will do this differently going forward, and if I ever have grandchildren, they will know everything that they want to.  If they ask why, I will answer.  And in the meantime, I will do everything to encourage those around me to ask why, and when they don’t ask, I will work to fill in the blanks and give the why information for them.  This is my commitment going forward.

On a completely separate note, a new pinball machine comes to the Toybox this weekend.  It was a machine that sat in my Uncle Chuck and Aunt Pat’s basement and the family has honored me by asking if I would give it a new home.  I absolutely will, with a huge smile on my face.  But, this may mean that some other important stuff at the Toybox doesn't get done quite so quickly. If you are waiting for projects to be complete, it may take a little longer.

Everyone talks about 'gamers'  today. In the analog age, we were pinball junkies - some of us even pinball wizards.  Names change - behaviors don’t.  Have a great weekend.

Heartbeat

Living in the center of Iowa, I have the opportunity to take a unique look at the rest of the country and the local economy.  We have two major Interstates that cross the nation, moving people and products from coast to coast and border to border.  I spend quite a bit of time traveling both I-35 and I-80 for my work, and the things I learn from this are amazing.  I know that the same is true in your area; you just have to stop and look around.

In 2008/2009, when the economy turned against us for a while, I began noticing that all of a sudden there was significantly less truck traffic on the roads.  I remember talking to people about it and nobody thought too much of it.  In 2010, before anyone started to talk about a recovery, truck traffic started to pick back up and on the Interstates, you could feel that things were changing.  What is moving on any given day and which way it is moving is a real litmus test of the things going on in the country.  Let me give you some examples.

The other day I was traveling north on I-35.  Stretched out in front of me were 4-5 trucks from Hulcher Services.  If you don't know this company, they handle all sorts of rail issues, such as derailments, spills, track damage, etc.  They have quite unique equipment and once you have seen their trucks; you will always know who they are.  So, based upon the fact that they were heading north with several trucks, I knew there was a derailment somewhere in that direction.  This may be something that we hear about on the news, or it may be something that happened in a switch yard, but based on what I saw, something big happened.  This is one kind of information that our transportation system gives us.

A couple of weeks ago, I was coming home from Iowa City when I started passing really nice Harley Davidson trucks.  After seeing the third or fourth, I wondered what was going on.  It did not take long to figure out that the Sturgis Bike Rally was starting the next week and all of this hardware was going to that show.  We began to see a large increase in motorcycle traffic heading north and west.  Then in the week following, we saw a similar increase going south and east.  These are the kind of things that I think of when I say that the Interstate system is like the heartbeat of the country.

The last example that I will give is one that I never did get to the bottom of.  A couple of years ago for about two months, I watched truckload after truckload of timbers heading across the Midwest, mostly heading north.  They were probably 6 inches square and 20 feet long, not new timbers by any means, but had obviously been used before.  Although the number of loads was staggering, I was never able to figure out what they were being used for, or where they were going.  If you have any ideas, shoot me a note.  I am still interested.

As you can tell, I am always interested in the things that go on around me and what you can learn or infer from them.  Honestly, my biggest frustration is not knowing what is inside all of the trucks that have no real information on the outside of them.  Are they hauling something to or from Roswell?  Is it truckload after truckload of printed transcripts of every cell phone call ever made?  What is in all of those trucks?  Mostly mundane things I am sure, but I want to know.

Ok, enough of that for the day - other interesting things have happened this week.  First, my daughter returned home from camp this week and it is wonderful to have her around.  The laughter and the stories echoing through our house have been wonderful.  Andrew and Lyndsey are coming up to go to the State Fair and had get here fast …they are missing out on all the fun.  Last night Megan and I sat at the State Fair playing a new game: “Real or Not.”  The basis of the game is to find someone wearing boots and then decide if they wear them on a daily basis or if it is just something they put on for the Fair.  It may sound strange, but we had a great time just sitting, watching people, and deciding.

One final item of note this week; the Toybox has become the proud owner of a twelve foot stepladder.  This came from my brother-n-law Neil and is certainly appreciated.  It will let me put things higher on the walls in the Toybox and I am sure will be borrowed on occasion by friends and acquaintances.  Pretty nice addition to the tool arsenal out there.

Well, have a great week and get out there to see what is moving this week.  You never know what you may find.

Rant and Rave

Ok, brace yourself.  I really have a bee in my bonnet today.  And I am going to share.  Last Saturday, I stopped at “My Subway” for breakfast.  This is the location that I frequent, not necessarily because they are the closest, but because they treat me as a person, and maybe even like a friend.  Anyway, the young lady who typically takes care of my sandwich on Saturday morning was working and we started talking about the kind of week we were just finishing.  I admitted that mine had been a long one, but that there had been a lot of good in the week.  I was more than willing to call it a success.

When I asked how her week had been, my Subway buddy told me that she had been forced to deal with a very difficult customer earlier in the week.  This customer had actually complimented her on her customer service, and then went on to tell her that based upon the fact that she had piercings, she should not even work in “this part of town.”  Really? Why do people have to be like this?

Those of you who know me casually are probably not surprised by the fact that I have no piercings or tattoos.  Additionally, it isn't something I ever thought would be a good idea for me.  Maybe the pain of the creation is part of what stops me - I don’t know.  But I will not judge those who make the decision to turn their bodies into a canvas for self expression.  After all, for those of you who know me very well, you know that I spent much of my college years with a pony tail down my back.  That was rebellion in its own way in a time when men’s hair fashions had gone back to being shorter.  So I say, let others be themselves.  What is that ole expression, “Live and let live”?  Seems like a good way to proceed to me.  And as for my Subway buddy, I glory in her decision to change her appearance through piercings.  Good for her if it makes her happy.

Ok, enough of the rant.  Let’s get on to the rave.  I will begin by telling you that my Aunt Pat passed away this week.  Probably not where you thought I would start.  She was a great person and I am thankful to have known her and to have been related to her.  When my dad died, and later my mom, both she and Uncle Chuck stepped in and supported my sister and me in every way they could possibly find.  When you think of what family is supposed to be, Aunt Pat comes to the top of the list for me.

My sister, Jaye, wanted to come back to Iowa for the funeral.  She lives in Maine, and the time was short enough that planning was nearly impossible.  In searching for reasonable airfare, she had finally reached a point where she decided she wouldn't be able to attend.  At this point the person who really deserves recognition entered the picture.  She's known him for years because of another lifelong friend and honestly, Jaye thinks of David as part of her family.  Before she could make a final decision, David offered to use some of his airline miles to get Jaye to her aunt’s funeral.  I cannot even put in words how wonderful this action on his part was.  I know that Jaye will try to find the words to say thank you, and she will probably fall short.  This is one of the nicest things I have ever known a person to do.

So why can't the world be more like David, and less like the “piercing police”?  There are so many times that common courtesy and caring would go so far, and often those attributes are just not present in the time or the situation.

This week a friend sent me an article that really dovetails in what I have been talking about.  An author named George Saunders gave a speech (click for the link) to graduates of Syracuse University and he has some incredible things to say. It is a little longer than the things I usually read, but it held my attention all the way to the end.  When you are done, ask yourself who the ELLEN is or was  in your life.  I know that in my case there are actually a couple. I also know that in recent years I have worked to be kinder, but there are still failures of kindness in my background, and probably will be in my future, but I am committed to limiting them.  Have a wonderful weekend.