Two weeks ago, one of my drivers had a wreck. Fortunately, no one was injured. But here is what I find interesting. When I was told about it, the first thing people wanted to talk about was the damage to the vehicle. Honestly, at that point, I could not have cared less. The first thing I wanted to know was that my driver was okay.
In the middle of that conversation I was taken back to the day when one of my kids had a small fender bender. Again, the first thing that they wanted to tell me was about the vehicle. Same situation, I could have cared less.
One of the things we need to concentrate on is where in our conversations we talk about the important things. Given the examples I just wrote about, both times the first thing I wanted to know was that everyone was okay. All the rest was relatively unimportant details to deal with later.
So where this brings me is to ask how many times our personal conversations dance around important topics rather than discussing them first?
My answer, regarding my life and the way I deal with others says that all too often I never get to the important topic. We know each other on a superficial level, having conversations about the news and other minutia around the day.
There are some relationships that I need to think about, work on, and change so that they can be better and stronger moving forward. As my children began driving, one of the things I told them was around exactly this. I told them, and I’ve told everyone that ever worked for me: tell me the important things first. If you’re in a wreck, tell me that you’re okay; if you fail a test, tell me what the plan is to overcome; if you’re changing your life plans, tell me all the details.
When I worked for Payless Cashways, as managers, many of us subscribed to the saying “ask for forgiveness rather than permission.” This worked relatively well for me, right up until the day that my senior vice president asked if that’s what I had done in a situation. It had been. I'd made a decision that I knew if I had asked permission, I would not have been allowed to do it. So I went right ahead and did what I wanted to do and waited for the questions and the consequences. I hadn't expected to be asked if that it been my methodology. When faced with that question, all I could do was answer honestly and truly feel embarrassed at my thought process.
Today, I think about the importance of honest and upfront communication. With all of these random thoughts, the place I land is that it is more necessary now than ever before to be truthful with those people who are important to us.
If you have a boss, tell them what’s really on your mind - you may be surprised at the outcome.
If you have friends and family that you care about deeply, tell them, don’t just think that they will know. Start with the important conversation first.
Think about conversations through the filter that is the way you would like to hear things. This will not fail you, however it may present some different opportunities and directions than you’ve seen in the past.
And for the sanity of everyone involved, if you’re in a wreck, and you need to call somebody, first tell them that you’re okay.
Okay, those are the thoughts of this simple woodworker from central Iowa. I get to go to the shop again today and work on the teardrop trailer for my sister. This is a labor of love, and I am thankful for every moment of it. Have a good week.
